Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Around this time of year, most people begin to lack the motivation to do work. Of those said people, graduating seniors are the worst offenders. Teachers give out more and more work as the year progresses and slowly, the number of kids who show up to the class dwindles down to a mere handful. Eventually, the remaining people who show up to class can be counted by the fingers of one hand. This, is an example of what Senioritis does. It's crippling affect is really debilitating and it is also the source of many college rejection letters and e-mails. It is manifesting in every single high school that contains SENIORS. Wait a second, who am I kidding? That's not right at all.

Being motivated to get going and get on with your life is a problem everyone runs through at least once in their lifetime. Whether it be a bad grade on a test that does it, or even all the homework amassed during the year--there is always something that just sets you off. I don't know what did it for me. It was probably the combination of bad grades, the fact that I'm now a senior, and the ultimatum that this year is my last year of high school and I just don't care anymore.

That being said, I really need to get motivated. Living a listless life and not caring about anything/ anyone is terrible. I can just feel myself going in a downward spiral. It might be the days I spend on Facebook, Twitter, and my cell phone. Who knows what it is. I'm just not motivated to do ANYTHING. I come home from school, prop open Facebook, and then just sit and vegetate for the next 7 or so hours. Really? Is this seriously what my life has come to? I really need to work on this. I really need to change my life and become someone of which I can say that I'm proud of when I look back on my life 10 years from now.

Needless to say, this is going to be difficult. I'm not going to change in one day, and neither is the world going to get any easier to bear in a single night. I need to work on this step by step, take things little by little. Through all of this, the most important factor of all is the fact that I. Need. God. I need him. Plain and simple. I've lived so much of my life denying God, and I've lived so much of my life trying to do everything on my own when really, I have to learn to trust and depend on God. I've never depended on God because I felt as if I was going to fail him if I ever were to depend on him. The last thing I wanted to be was a failure to another person. But God is not just any old "person". God is God and a loving God at that. I know for a fact that he will never forsake me, even when I deny the fact that I need him. Correction, denied the fact that I needed him for the entirety of my life. I feel sad just going back and reading what my life was. I'm upset with myself for leaving out such a big part of my life. But now, I'm going to change.

"Will To Change".